Yup, it's one of those days where midnight thoughts strike.
Housemates came into my room in the middle of the night and had a small talk. I realize we have this sort of session every Friday, cause everyone seems to be more relaxed and less guilty spending time interacting with each other instead of studying, on a Friday night :/ #alevelnerds
We mentioned about what to do in the future. To me, that's the hardest question ever. It's just the same as asking me what I wanna have for meals. Lol.
I know nothing is ever easy since the day we were born, among the 4 subjects none is easy, none. It's between manageable and not-so-manageable. Till now I still couldn't get myself an answer on which career I wanna be in in the future.
I still know what I wanna achieve though.
I consider myself as a free-soul kind of person, who's currently caught on wanderlust BUT COULD NOT FIND ANY TIME FOR THE DREAM. No money as well la so yeah. Sad case. I've always wanted to be a child who's financially independent, as soon as possible la, not that I think I'm burdening the family or what, I just feel the responsibility to take care of my own. I'm turning 18 in less than 2 months time, I'm not a child anymore. An adult has the responsibilities an adult should have, I love my family I love my brother, as a sister I wanna leave the best for him. Since I'm capable of taking care of myself I'd wish to leave all the resources to him.
To me, my future is full of uncertainties. Even myself couldn't picture how my life would be.
It's sad that I couldn't find where my strength is, I do not know what I'm good at. I find myself as an ordinary person, perhaps even more ordinary than those ordinary people out there. What's my role in this life? I believe every single person present in this world has their own specific role, I couldn't find mine. Currently I'd say I'm like the joker of the community, I do nothing special besides socializing, hee hee haa haa with different people every day. I don't even have a significant character. Who am I in this universe? I'm so tiny. I'm nothing.
Maximizing the worth of life has been my continuous target, but I couldn't find the way. I think I'm lost in the sea of life, ever since I finished my SPM examinations. I'm in the dilemma of being realistic or to chase after dreams. Life will slowly vanish all your dreams, they said. Before committing into life, which path should I take my step on?
I'm not sure why but lotsa thoughts strike me before exams - the period where I shouldn't waste my time on all these crappy stuff.
Anyway, this is for the future me. All the best in your future endeavors and I hope you're living a happy life right now. Always always live and survive with an aim, a life without aims is worthless.
It's already 4am. Should I consider all these as Dawn Thoughts already? Lol.
VV.
Saturday 29 November 2014
Thursday 13 November 2014
131114
Nothing much happened recently, just randomly having the urge to write a few words here. It's time for a self-reflection session again.
Being a student isn't easy at all, especially when I am staying on board in the campus area with all my course mates. Every one is striving hard to squeeze through the little slit of opportunity, which can only be seen from afar at my current position. I know humans can never be good enough, I am never good enough, but sometimes I'm a little bit mad at myself for not being able to cope with self-expectations.
Life is never easy. I've been quoting this line quite often these days. Perhaps, because I've started to experience what life is? I can't say so, generally, life can be simple at the same time, it depends on the perspective I'm viewing it from.
Despite everything that I've stated above, I'm feeling grateful of everything I'm going through right now. I've always believed that I'm now walking on the brightest path of my entire life. The period of being a student is always the happiest, in my opinion. I have time, energy, family and friends revolving around my daily life. What else could I ask for? Who else can be this lucky, to have the opportunity to study A-Level in Sunway College, to stay in such a wonderful hostel, to have the leisure time to blog in the cozy library? Nothing has been better than all these. 感恩.
Okay let's talk about something less abstract.
I feel that my body condition isn't that well lately. Waking up with slight sore in the throat every morning isn't good to be felt. All the blames go onto the lkl who's sleeping so late every night. Or I should say, sleeping so early in the morning. LOL. AND, I'm actually studying in the North Pole, yes, THE NORTH-POLE. I've no idea why must they switch the air-conditioner to such an unbearable temperature. This is totally not energy-conserving! And yet you're sticking that baby photo beside the light switch asking us not to waste energy. Brother, who's wasting energy now? Zzzz.
To be honest I feel more anticipated staying in SMR during the weekends, instead of going back to Seremban. Apparently I'll be more effective, doing less crap and studying more efficiently here. *please ignore the fact that I wouldn't have good food* But sometimes I'll miss my brother :') He's getting cuter and cuter day by day, I can't wait for him to grow up! -like a momma anticipating the growth of her child lol- The only wish I have for him is him being good and obedient, maybe not too obedient, and most importantly he has to know that jiejie loves him very much jiejie wants to try her very best in maintaining a good relationship with him despite his teenage transformation. I just wanna try my best to stand by his side because he's the only one, the only closest one. Dad once told me that when they're no longer here anymore, didi is my only family member in the entire world. How can I not love him?
I think I've been procrastinating for too long and I shall get started with my revision. Lol.
Oh.
P/s: Friend, who says you don't deserve my 100% kindness, you deserve 99.99% out of it. Please be merciful, I still need that 1% for myself hahaha xD Anyways thank you for being in my life, I'm not sure whether you'll be in my life for how long, but still, I appreciate your existence. Your appearance has made my days a little more happier :) Xie xie ni o~ hahaha x)
VV.
Being a student isn't easy at all, especially when I am staying on board in the campus area with all my course mates. Every one is striving hard to squeeze through the little slit of opportunity, which can only be seen from afar at my current position. I know humans can never be good enough, I am never good enough, but sometimes I'm a little bit mad at myself for not being able to cope with self-expectations.
Life is never easy. I've been quoting this line quite often these days. Perhaps, because I've started to experience what life is? I can't say so, generally, life can be simple at the same time, it depends on the perspective I'm viewing it from.
Despite everything that I've stated above, I'm feeling grateful of everything I'm going through right now. I've always believed that I'm now walking on the brightest path of my entire life. The period of being a student is always the happiest, in my opinion. I have time, energy, family and friends revolving around my daily life. What else could I ask for? Who else can be this lucky, to have the opportunity to study A-Level in Sunway College, to stay in such a wonderful hostel, to have the leisure time to blog in the cozy library? Nothing has been better than all these. 感恩.
Okay let's talk about something less abstract.
I feel that my body condition isn't that well lately. Waking up with slight sore in the throat every morning isn't good to be felt. All the blames go onto the lkl who's sleeping so late every night. Or I should say, sleeping so early in the morning. LOL. AND, I'm actually studying in the North Pole, yes, THE NORTH-POLE. I've no idea why must they switch the air-conditioner to such an unbearable temperature. This is totally not energy-conserving! And yet you're sticking that baby photo beside the light switch asking us not to waste energy. Brother, who's wasting energy now? Zzzz.
To be honest I feel more anticipated staying in SMR during the weekends, instead of going back to Seremban. Apparently I'll be more effective, doing less crap and studying more efficiently here. *please ignore the fact that I wouldn't have good food* But sometimes I'll miss my brother :') He's getting cuter and cuter day by day, I can't wait for him to grow up! -like a momma anticipating the growth of her child lol- The only wish I have for him is him being good and obedient, maybe not too obedient, and most importantly he has to know that jiejie loves him very much jiejie wants to try her very best in maintaining a good relationship with him despite his teenage transformation. I just wanna try my best to stand by his side because he's the only one, the only closest one. Dad once told me that when they're no longer here anymore, didi is my only family member in the entire world. How can I not love him?
I think I've been procrastinating for too long and I shall get started with my revision. Lol.
Oh.
P/s: Friend, who says you don't deserve my 100% kindness, you deserve 99.99% out of it. Please be merciful, I still need that 1% for myself hahaha xD Anyways thank you for being in my life, I'm not sure whether you'll be in my life for how long, but still, I appreciate your existence. Your appearance has made my days a little more happier :) Xie xie ni o~ hahaha x)
VV.
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