Midnight Thoughts

Yup, it's one of those days where midnight thoughts strike.

Housemates came into my room in the middle of the night and had a small talk. I realize we have this sort of session every Friday, cause everyone seems to be more relaxed and less guilty spending time interacting with each other instead of studying, on a Friday night :/   #alevelnerds

We mentioned about what to do in the future. To me, that's the hardest question ever. It's just the same as asking me what I wanna have for meals. Lol.
I know nothing is ever easy since the day we were born, among the 4 subjects none is easy, none. It's between manageable and not-so-manageable. Till now I still couldn't get myself an answer on which career I wanna be in in the future.

I still know what I wanna achieve though.

I consider myself as a free-soul kind of person, who's currently caught on wanderlust BUT COULD NOT FIND ANY TIME FOR THE DREAM. No money as well la so yeah. Sad case. I've always wanted to be a child who's financially independent, as soon as possible la, not that I think I'm burdening the family or what, I just feel the responsibility to take care of my own. I'm turning 18 in less than 2 months time, I'm not a child anymore. An adult has the responsibilities an adult should have, I love my family I love my brother, as a sister I wanna leave the best for him. Since I'm capable of taking care of myself I'd wish to leave all the resources to him.

To me, my future is full of uncertainties. Even myself couldn't picture how my life would be.

It's sad that I couldn't find where my strength is, I do not know what I'm good at. I find myself as an ordinary person, perhaps even more ordinary than those ordinary people out there. What's my role in this life? I believe every single person present in this world has their own specific role, I couldn't find mine. Currently I'd say I'm like the joker of the community, I do nothing special besides socializing, hee hee haa haa with different people every day. I don't even have a significant character. Who am I in this universe? I'm so tiny. I'm nothing.

Maximizing the worth of life has been my continuous target, but I couldn't find the way. I think I'm lost in the sea of life, ever since I finished my SPM examinations. I'm in the dilemma of being realistic or to chase after dreams. Life will slowly vanish all your dreams, they said. Before committing into life, which path should I take my step on?


I'm not sure why but lotsa thoughts strike me before exams - the period where I shouldn't waste my time on all these crappy stuff.

Anyway, this is for the future me. All the best in your future endeavors and I hope you're living a happy life right now. Always always live and survive with an aim, a life without aims is worthless.


It's already 4am. Should I consider all these as Dawn Thoughts already? Lol.


VV.